By Kevin Luu, Co-Founder and Chief Learning Officer. Reviewed on 2026-09-30.
The estate planning questions to ask first are the ones that decide what happens to your children: who raises them, who controls their money, at what age they get it, and whether your accounts actually follow your documents. After that come the tax and cost questions: how your assets are titled, whether a revocable trust keeps your family out of probate, and whether a state estate tax applies. For a California or Washington family earning $750,000 to $3 million with young kids, those ten questions cover most of what a good plan has to answer.
This list works from both sides of the table. A good estate attorney should ask you most of these in the first meeting. If they do not, ask them yourself.
Why the questions are different for a high-income family with kids under 12
Most estate planning checklists are written for retirees passing down a paid-off house. Your situation is the opposite. Your largest asset is often future income, not current wealth. Your children are too young to receive anything directly. Much of your net worth sits in places a will does not control: a 401(k), RSUs and a brokerage account at your employer’s stock plan provider, and group life insurance through work.
That changes what matters. Federal estate tax is rarely the issue: for 2026 the basic exclusion is $15,000,000 per person (IRS), and the law that set it did not include the old “2026 sunset” many articles still warn about. The real risks are a court picking your children’s guardian, a minor receiving money outright at 18, a beneficiary form that contradicts your will, and in Washington, a state estate tax that starts far lower than the federal one.
The ten estate planning questions to ask
1. Who would raise our children, and who would manage their money?
These are two separate jobs. The guardian raises the kids. The trustee controls the money. Many parents name the same person for both by default. It is often better to split them: your sister may be the right person to raise your children, while a financially organized friend or a professional trustee is better placed to handle a $6 million trust. Name a backup for each role, and ask your attorney how your nomination is documented under California or Washington law so a court has clear written instructions.
2. At what age should each child get control, and of how much?
Without a trust, money left to a minor usually lands in a court-supervised guardianship or a custodial account that the child controls outright at a set age. In California, a custodial (UTMA) transfer made by will or trust can be delayed to no later than 25 (Cal. Probate Code §3920.5). In Washington, transfers authorized by a will or trust end at 21, and the transferor can extend to 25 when first naming the custodian (RCW 11.114.200). A trust lets you go further: staged distributions at 25, 30 and 35, money for education and a first home along the way, and a trustee who can say no. See what happens to a UTMA when the child turns 21 for how the custodial route ends.
3. Do we need a revocable living trust, or is a will enough?
In California, the answer for a homeowner is usually a trust, because probate here is slow, public and priced by statute. A will still matters as a backstop (a “pour-over” will) and as the place to nominate a guardian. In Washington, probate is generally simpler and cheaper, so the case for a trust rests more on privacy, managing money for minors, and estate tax planning. Ask your attorney to explain the trade-off for your state in plain numbers, not in general terms.
4. How is our house titled, and how are our accounts titled?
California and Washington are both community property states. That matters at the first death. Under federal law, when one spouse dies, both halves of community property can get a new cost basis equal to market value, not just the deceased spouse’s half (IRC §1014(b)(6)). A house or brokerage account titled as joint tenancy may get a step-up on only half. Ask how each asset is titled today, and whether it should be retitled as community property or into the trust. See the worked example below.
5. Do our beneficiary designations match the plan?
Your 401(k), IRA, HSA, group life insurance and any transfer-on-death brokerage account pass by beneficiary form, not by your will or trust. A form that names “my children” directly can force a guardianship of the estate for a minor, the outcome the trust was meant to prevent. Ask your attorney to give you the exact beneficiary wording for each account, then update every form yourself and keep a copy. Our guide to naming a trust as beneficiary of a brokerage account walks through the mechanics.
6. What happens to our equity compensation if one of us dies?
Unvested RSUs, ESPP shares and stock options each follow the employer’s plan documents. Some plans accelerate vesting at death, some forfeit unvested grants, and options usually have a limited post-death exercise window. Ask your attorney (and your HR benefits team) what each plan says, who can exercise on your behalf, and whether the trust or your spouse should be the named beneficiary on the stock plan account.
7. How much life insurance do we need, and who should own it?
For a young family, life insurance replaces the income the kids depend on. Group coverage through work is often a modest multiple of salary and usually ends when you leave the job, so most high earners add private term coverage. Ownership matters too: a policy owned by the insured is generally included in that person’s estate for estate tax purposes (see Schedule D in the IRS Form 706 instructions). For most California families under the federal exclusion that has no tax cost. For Washington families, or anyone near the federal line, ask whether an irrevocable life insurance trust (ILIT) should own the policy.
8. Does a state estate tax apply to us?
California does not impose its own estate or inheritance tax (Cal. Rev. & Tax. Code §13301), so the federal exclusion is the relevant line. Washington does. For deaths from January 1 to June 30, 2026, the Washington exclusion is $3,076,000; for deaths from July 1 to December 31, 2026, it is $3,000,000, with rates starting at 10% (WA DOR). A Seattle-area family with a home, vested stock, retirement accounts and term life insurance can pass that threshold without feeling wealthy. Ask your attorney how each spouse’s Washington exclusion is preserved at the first death, and whether a credit shelter (bypass) trust belongs in the plan.
9. Who should be executor and trustee, and what do they get paid?
The executor settles the estate. The successor trustee runs the trust. Both need to be organized, available and trusted by the rest of the family. Ask whether a family member, a friend, a professional fiduciary or a combination makes sense, and how they would be compensated. If you are weighing your financial adviser for the role, read can a financial advisor be the executor of a will first.
10. When should we review the plan, and what triggers an update?
Ask the attorney to name the triggers in writing: a new child, a move between California and Washington, a large equity grant or liquidity event, a change in guardian, divorce or remarriage, or the death of a named fiduciary. Without triggers, most plans signed when the first child is born are still in the drawer when the third child starts school.
Worked example: what these questions change for two families
The numbers below are illustrative assumptions, not a quote for any family.
California: a $950,000 household in Palo Alto
A biotech scientist and a software engineer, two kids aged 3 and 6. They own a home appraised at $3,000,000 with a $1,200,000 mortgage, and have wills but no trust.
- Probate cost (question 3). Joint tenancy passes the house to the surviving spouse without probate, but when the second parent dies (or if both die together) the house goes through probate unless it is in a funded trust. California sets the executor’s and attorney’s ordinary fees by statute on the gross value of the estate, without subtracting the mortgage (Cal. Probate Code §10810; the executor’s schedule in §10800 uses the same percentages). On the $3,000,000 house alone: 4% of the first $100,000 ($4,000), 3% of the next $100,000 ($3,000), 2% of the next $800,000 ($16,000) and 1% of the next $2,000,000 ($20,000), so $43,000 for the attorney and $43,000 for the executor, $86,000 in total before any extraordinary fees. A funded revocable trust can typically keep the house out of probate.
- Title (question 4). They bought the house for $1,400,000 and hold it as joint tenancy. If one spouse dies, a step-up on only the deceased half gives the survivor a basis of $700,000 (half the original cost) plus $1,500,000 (half the current value) = $2,200,000. Held as community property with a full step-up, the basis would be $3,000,000. That is $800,000 less gain to report if the survivor later sells.
Washington: a $1.4 million household in Bellevue
A tech executive and a physician, three kids under 10. A $2,500,000 home, $2,200,000 in vested stock and brokerage accounts, $1,300,000 in 401(k)s, and $4,000,000 of term life insurance owned by the insured spouses.
- State estate tax (question 8). If one spouse dies and leaves everything to the other, and the survivor dies after July 1, 2026, the survivor’s gross estate (including the paid-out insurance on the first spouse and the policy on the survivor) would be about $10,000,000. That is well above Washington’s $3,000,000 exclusion, so the taxable estate above the exclusion would be subject to Washington estate tax at graduated rates starting at 10%. The federal exclusion of $15,000,000 per person for 2026 would not be reached. The planning questions are whether a bypass trust uses the first spouse’s Washington exclusion, and whether an ILIT should own the term policies.
- Beneficiary forms (question 5). Their 401(k)s name “spouse, then children equally.” If both died, three minors would inherit the accounts directly. Naming the family trust as contingent beneficiary keeps the money under the trustee they chose.
Common mistakes we see in plans for young families
- Signing a trust and never retitling the house or brokerage account into it. An unfunded trust does not avoid probate.
- Naming minor children directly on retirement accounts or life insurance.
- Choosing the guardian and forgetting the backup.
- Relying on articles that say the federal exclusion drops to about $7 million in 2026. It did not; for 2026 it is $15,000,000 per person.
- Moving from California to Washington (or back) and not having the plan reviewed under the new state’s rules.
What to write down for your kids
A trust tells the trustee what they may do. It rarely tells them what you would have done. Alongside the legal documents, write a one-page letter of intent for each fiduciary: how you think about money for education, a first car, a gap year, a down payment, and giving. Your guardian and trustee will make dozens of judgment calls your documents cannot anticipate, and your children will one day read how you thought. As Kevin Luu puts it: “Your kids will inherit your money. Will they inherit your judgment?” That letter is the first entry in a family’s FamilyKnowledge® Library, and our family governance work starts there.
Frequently asked questions
What documents should we bring to the first estate planning meeting?
Bring a net worth summary with how each account and the house are titled, recent statements for retirement and brokerage accounts, your equity award summaries, life insurance policies (group and private), current beneficiary forms, any prenuptial agreement, and your first and backup choices for guardian, trustee and executor. Attorneys can price and draft faster when titling and beneficiaries are already listed.
How often should a family with young children update its estate plan?
Review it every three to five years and after any trigger: a new child, a move between states, a large equity grant or liquidity event, a change in the person you would name as guardian, or a marriage or divorce. Updating beneficiary forms after each job change is the step families most often miss, because new employer plans start with blank designations.
Next step
Before you book the attorney, list every account, how it is titled and who the beneficiary is. That one page answers half of the questions above. If you want a second set of eyes on how your plan fits your taxes, equity and kids, our estate planning team at Age Five Family Office™ starts with a Tax & Wealth Assessment.
This is general education, not legal or tax advice. The right structure depends on your family’s full picture and should be drafted by a licensed estate attorney in your state.
Kevin has advised high-income W-2 tech and biotech families since 2015, and leads the education-first Age Five Family Office from Brea, California.
Connect on LinkedIn → · About KevinThis is part of how we approach Estate Planning for high-income W-2 families at Bright Advisers.
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