10 Estate Planning Questions to Ask Yourself as Parents in California or Washington

By Kevin Luu, Co-Founder and Chief Learning Officer. Reviewed on 2026-09-30.

The estate planning questions to ask yourself come down to four things: who raises your children if you both die, who controls the money for them and until what age, how your assets actually pass (will, trust or beneficiary form), and whether any estate tax applies. Answering those before you meet an attorney usually makes the drafting faster and cheaper, and more likely to reflect what you actually want.

For a California or Washington household earning $750,000 to $3 million with young children, the federal estate tax is rarely the real issue in 2026. The real exposure is a court picking a guardian, an 18-year-old receiving a custodial account outright, California probate fees on a house, and Washington’s much lower state estate tax threshold. The ten questions below start with the ones that matter most for families with young children.

1. Who would raise our children if we both died?

Many parents of children under 12 have not formally answered this question, and for most families it matters more than anything about taxes. In California, a parent can nominate a guardian of the person, the estate, or both, for a minor child (Cal. Probate Code §1500). In both states a court makes the final appointment; Washington law says a person becomes a guardian for a minor only on appointment by the court (RCW 11.130.185). Your written nomination is the main evidence a judge has of what you wanted.

Ask yourselves: who shares our values on schooling, religion and discipline? Would the children have to move cities? Is the person young and healthy enough for a 15-year commitment? Name a first choice and a backup, and talk to both before you sign.

2. Should the person raising the kids also control their money?

Not necessarily. Raising a child and managing a $4 million inheritance are different skills. Many families name a sibling as guardian and a different person, or a professional trustee, to manage the money in a trust. That split can also protect the guardian from awkward questions about whether a bigger house or a new car was for the kids or for themselves.

3. At what age should our children control the money?

If you do nothing, the answer may be “far too young.” Money left to a minor through a custodial account ends up in the child’s hands early. Under California law, a custodial (UTMA) account transfers at 18 by default; a lifetime gift can delay that to no later than 21, and a transfer from a will or trust to no later than 25 (Cal. Probate Code §3920.5). In Washington, UTMA gifts generally end at 21, and the transferor may extend to 25 when naming the custodian (RCW 11.114.200).

A trust lets you set your own terms: for example, money for education and health at any age, one third at 25, one third at 30, the rest at 35, with a trustee who can say no. See what happens to a UTMA when the child turns 21 if you already hold custodial accounts.

4. Do we need a revocable living trust, or is a will enough?

In California, for most homeowners in this income range, a funded revocable trust is the standard answer, mainly because of probate cost and time. California sets statutory fees for both the attorney and the personal representative (executor), each calculated on the gross value of the probate estate, without subtracting the mortgage (§10810 and §10800). The schedule is 4% of the first $100,000, 3% of the next $100,000, 2% of the next $800,000 and 1% of the next $9 million.

Worked example: a San Mateo house going through probate

Assumptions (illustrative): a Genentech scientist and an Apple engineer earning $950,000 combined, children ages 3 and 7. They own a home appraised at $2.6 million with a $1.3 million mortgage, plus a $600,000 brokerage account, titled in their own names with only a will. The scenario: one spouse dies and everything passes to the survivor, and the survivor later dies owning the same assets with only a will. Their 401(k)s and life insurance have beneficiary forms, so they pass outside probate.

That is up to $90,000 in statutory fees, calculated on $3.2 million even though the family’s equity in those assets is $1.9 million, before court costs and months of court supervision. A family member serving as executor may waive their fee, but the attorney fee remains. Retitling the house and brokerage account into a revocable trust typically keeps those assets out of probate.

In Washington, probate is generally simpler and less costly, so a will plus good beneficiary designations can be reasonable for some families. A trust is still often used there to hold money for minors and to plan around the state estate tax (question 7).

5. Do our beneficiary designations match the plan?

For most W-2 households, the largest assets pass by beneficiary form, not by the will: 401(k)s, IRAs, employer group life insurance, individual term policies, and transfer-on-death brokerage accounts. A beneficiary form generally controls even if the will says something different. Common problems we see: a former spouse still listed, a minor child named directly (which can force a court-supervised arrangement), or no contingent beneficiary. If you have a trust for the kids, the contingent beneficiary is usually the trust. Our guide to naming a trust as beneficiary of a brokerage account walks through the mechanics.

Check the equity plan too. Vested RSU shares sitting at the plan administrator are a brokerage account, and they need a TOD designation or trust titling like any other account.

6. How much life insurance do we need, and who should own it?

With two young children, the question is how many years of spending, education and mortgage you want covered if one income disappears. Employer group life is usually tied to the job and may end when you leave, so it is not a plan by itself. Ownership also matters: life insurance owned by the insured is generally included in their gross estate (IRC §2042). That rarely matters federally for this group, but it can matter in Washington.

7. Will federal or state estate tax apply to us?

For 2026, the federal basic exclusion is $15,000,000 per person, made permanent by the 2025 tax law and indexed for inflation from 2027 (IRS). The old claim that it “drops to about $7 million in 2026” is obsolete. A married couple can generally shelter up to $30 million in combination if the executor of the first spouse to die elects portability on a federal estate tax return (Form 706). Most families earning $750,000 to $3 million are well under that.

Washington is different. For 2026, the Washington estate tax exclusion is $3,076,000 for deaths from January 1 to June 30 and $3,000,000 for deaths from July 1 to December 31. For deaths on or after July 1, 2026, rates run from 10% to 20% on the Washington taxable estate (Washington DOR).

Worked example: a Bellevue household above the Washington threshold

Assumptions (illustrative): an Amazon director and a physician earning $1.6 million combined. Home $2.4 million, 401(k)s $1.5 million, brokerage and vested company shares $2.2 million, and a $3 million term policy each spouse owns on their own life. Total: about $6.1 million before insurance. If one spouse dies and the survivor receives that $3 million death benefit, the survivor’s estate is about $9.1 million, and the survivor’s own policy is also included at their death because they own it. That is well below the $15 million federal exclusion and roughly three times Washington’s $3 million exclusion, or more. Without planning, the estate at the second death could owe a meaningful Washington tax. Common tools to discuss with an attorney include trusts that use each spouse’s Washington exclusion at each death and moving policy ownership to an irrevocable life insurance trust.

California has no state estate tax, so for California families the federal number is the one that counts.

8. Who decides for us if we are alive but cannot act?

A will only works at death. If one of you is in an ICU for six weeks, someone needs a durable financial power of attorney to pay bills, manage the brokerage account and deal with your employer on RSU vests, and an advance health care directive to make medical decisions. Ask: is the person we trust with medical decisions the same person we trust with money?

9. How should our property be titled as a married couple?

California and Washington are both community property states. When either spouse dies, the total value of community property, including the survivor’s half, generally becomes the new tax basis (IRS Publication 551). For a couple holding company stock with very low basis, that full step-up can remove a large capital gain the survivor would otherwise face if they sold. How assets are titled (community property, community property with right of survivorship, or separate property) affects whether you get it, so this belongs on the attorney’s checklist.

10. What do we want our children to understand about the money?

Documents say who gets what. They do not say why you saved it, what you hoped it would make possible, or what you would have said about a 24-year-old’s request to fund a startup. A short letter of wishes to the trustee, plus a written record of how you think about money and work, gives the trustee and the children something to reason from. This is the gap a FamilyKnowledge® Library is meant to fill. As Kevin Luu puts it: “Your kids will inherit your money. Will they inherit your judgment?”

A one-page checklist before you call an attorney

1. First and backup guardian, both asked and willing.
2. Trustee (and backup), and whether it is the same person as the guardian.
3. Distribution ages and what the trustee can pay for before then.
4. A list of every account with its current owner and beneficiary, including 401(k)s, life insurance, the equity plan account and any UTMA or 529 accounts.
5. Rough net worth today and in 10 years, including life insurance death benefits.
6. Agents for financial power of attorney and health care.
7. Which assets you believe are community property and which are separate.
8. A draft letter of wishes, even if rough.

Frequently asked questions

How often should we update our estate plan?

Review it every three to five years and after any major change: a new child, a move between California and Washington, a large equity grant or liquidity event, a divorce, or a change in who you would want as guardian. Beneficiary forms should be checked every time you change jobs, because a new 401(k) and group life policy start with blank designations.

Can our financial adviser be the executor or trustee?

It is possible but not always wise, because of the conflicts it can create. Many families prefer a trusted relative as executor, with a professional trustee or adviser supporting them. We cover the trade-offs in can my financial advisor be the executor of my will.

Do we need a trust if our estate is under the federal exclusion?

Often yes. For families with young children, the main reasons are controlling when and how the kids receive money and, in California, avoiding probate on real estate. Tax is only one of the reasons, and for most households under $15 million per person it is not the main one at the federal level.

Next step

Answer the ten questions together, fill in the checklist, and bring it to an estate planning attorney licensed in your state. Our estate planning page explains how an Age Five Family Office™ coordinates the attorney, beneficiary forms and account titling, and the family governance page covers documenting your thinking for the kids. This is general education, and the right plan depends on your family’s full picture.

Written by

Kevin Luu

Co-Founder and Chief Learning Officer, Bright Advisers

Kevin has advised high-income W-2 tech and biotech families since 2015, and leads the education-first Age Five Family Office from Brea, California.

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